Tuesday, March 28, 2006
memories.

as everyone said dont keep looking back to the past and just get on with your life. cherish those moments u had before with those u loved. well, sometimes we cant help but to look back at the past. those sweet memories together. i remembered everything that happened before. between u and me. and i miss those moments. why cant we be the same?

remember the time where u surprised me with bear bear before i went to south africa and it your cologne smelled was on it? u knew that i love that smell and u wanted me to think of u all the time when i was away. i still hug it to sleep everynight though the smell went off. then remember that night before i went to the airport, u drove all the way here just to see me and give me your ring that its really important to u.
remember the smses we send to each other when we were apart eventhough we know its darn costly. we would also call each other for a short while just to hear each other's voice.

remember the time when we spend christmas eve together with ur friends and my friends?
remember the time when we have to hide it from all of our friends during that dinner? even when we go to college to study for our exams, we still have to hide it? then when we talk on the phone we would laugh and say that isnt it funny that we know something that they dont.
remember the time when we spend our new year eve's together even though u were pissed at me for some certain reasons.

then remember the little surprise u gave me during my bday when u knew that i had a bad start from it and i was sad coz of what happened the night before? even though its a last minute surprise thing i was still surprise and im happy. happy to have u as my bf to know when its the time to be there for me and bring my mood up again.

remember when we went to buy the rings together for our first month anniversary? remember when we were deciding on what to engrave on it.

then i remember i was quite disappointed during valentine's day but i was surprised when u asked me out from the class and surprised me. then u were darn nice. skipped fencing class so that we could go for dinner. remember when we were outside san fran steakhouse and it was full, then suddenly both of us said we felt like eating jap food?

then the times when we took sticker photos. u didnt want to take it. u kept on complaining but yet u still took it. u wanted me to be happy. and i know somewhere inside of u, u're happy too.
then remember the times where me and elaine surprised u in her hse? we cooked for u guys dinner.

i still remember the time when u came all the way to my hse with them and surprise me with
the sushis u guys made. im sorry for that day. i wasnt in a mood but i really appreciated it.

then the times where we went to ur hse to surprise u. again. with the jellies elaine made.

then the times when u knew that i was going to be upset for our third anniversary coz u were not here and couldnt receive any single call or msgs, u surprised me with the letter and the pendrive which contain the voice msg that still give me the tingle whenever i listen to it. i love it.

then when i was upset about my results, u bought a rose and ice cream for me. just to cheer me up.

there are more to write. im just saying that we used to have so many good memories together. dont u miss any of it? i know i miss every single one of it. most of all i miss being with u. hug u for no apparent reasons, feeling that everything will be alright. missing ur hugs and kisses. wish everything is alright now.

zoe. outie at 10:15 PM
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Saturday, March 25, 2006
can someone wake me up pls?

i need answers.

i need someone to wake me up in this dream.

i need someone to tell me what is going on.

im tired, and stressed out coz of this.

what am i suppose to do?

pls tell me the answers. the answers to the many questions i have.

darn it. im having migrane now.

zoe. outie at 3:06 PM
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

as she was lying on her bed, her eyes was full of tears. over a guy.

zoe. outie at 12:49 AM
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Friday, March 17, 2006

have u ever felt that the whole world is against u?

have u ever felt like ending your life because of all these failures?

have u ever felt that no matter how much effort u put into doing something and u end up failing it?

have u ever felt that everything u do is never right?

have u ever felt that everything is so darn unfair to u?

no matter how much effort u put into it, u'll end up giving up doing it because u know that it will end up failing it after trying and trying and trying.

have u ever felt the pressure u get from your parents? wanting u to be the best. wanting u to live up to their expectations.

have u ever felt that no matter how much effort u put into trying to make your parents proud but end up disappointing them?

have u ever want to avoid something from happening but end up getting it?

i know there's alot of "have u ever" thing questions but have u? been through all that? i know i have. i tried and tried trying to impress them, make them happy, make them proud but i end up disappointing them. i feel that it is so darn bloody unfair to me after all those efforts i put in into my studies. i know its not too much to ask for but why is it that everytime i put so much effort in it, i'll end up failing it? to them, i never put effort in it but they have no idea how much effort i put in it. i dont want to fail them. i dont want to live with this.

i think i have a phobia. a phobia of sitting exams. im not sure if there's such thing but yea i think i have that phobia. everytime it happens to me. i know i cant blame it. i should have study earlier not last minute study but the phobia is there with me. i remembered things i studied. but when it comes to exams, i will forget it. forget what i study and all. haih.

my parents are giving me so much pressure. i hate it when they do it. im also pressuring myself. and my friends are pressuring me too. i know they didnt do anything, but seeing their results, it really stress me out and give myself pressure. i know my parents are concern about me but at least give me some space. i need the air to breathe.

this month is not a good month for me. well, can say this year is not really a good year for me. screw it.

zoe. outie at 6:29 PM
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Thursday, March 16, 2006
what i look for in a guy.

remember last time u asked me what i look for in a guy? well i'll tell u now.
i guess every girl wants their guy to be perfect but hey tell me who is perfect in the world rite? anyway, the things i look for in a guy is quite common among the girls but here it goes :

a guy whose always there for me through out my ups and downs. a guy that cares for me all the time, and be there for me.
a guy who tells me what he's doing or how is he doing and all.
a guy thats always there supporting me in whatever i do.
a guy thats tell me how is he feeling or in other words letting out his emotions and telling whats wrong and all coz i dont like being clueless and i want to be there for him.
a guy that listens to me when im sad or happy.
being himself.
a guy that knows when to give me my time with my friends.
a guy thats loyal to me.
a guy that appreciate me coz i will too.
a guy that give lil surprises once in a while.

i will do the same for the guy.

i know i know. it sounds so familiar with yours rite? but well, its about the same thing what i want in a guy.

zoe. outie at 8:03 PM
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Sunday, March 12, 2006
3rd month.

we've been through alot. the ups and down together. going through this month is really hard for us but im happy that we got through it. now, u're out there somewhere in taman negara doing whatever things u are doing without any communication. its hard for me. i miss u alot. i really do. anyway, HAPPY 3rd MONTH ANNIVERSARY! i love u loads!

zoe. outie at 12:00 AM
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

I MISS YOU, B!!!!!!

zoe. outie at 12:06 AM
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006
people.

everyday we have to wake up and face all kinds of people around us. have u ever wonder what kind of people are they in the world? have u ever wonder if your friends are being true to you? or are they just being nice to you because they do not really have much friends and they are lonely? or they just want something from you? are they really acting themselves? or are they just being fake?

well, we always take our friends as friends. but sometimes we do wonder are they being real to you? are they really your friends? but then again it wont hurt to just let it be right? sometimes without knowing the truth is much better than knowing it right? but hey not everyone can stand without knowing the truth. it will just make that person even more curious. they will be wondering what did they do wrong or whats going on?

then have u ever felt this really strong tensions that your friends hated you or dislike you but yet they pretended that they dont? those friends that dont like you coz of another person? then those kind of friends that pretended to be nice and all in front of u and then behind they'll talk bad about you.

then there are friends that you can really trust and tell everything to them. those friends that tells you what kind of person you are coz all they ever wanted is for your own good and the last thing they ever wanted to do is to hurt you. those friends that will always be by your side and listen to you. those friends that dont have to pretend to be someone else. those friends that will understand you and accept who you are. and they wouldnt want you to change that coz you're you except the bad point la..hehe..

then you have those kind of friends that you are close with but barely talk to them much but yet there's a very strong bond between both of you. and when you guys meet, conversations can just go on.

then those normal kind of friends like those hi-bye friends, or the ones that can have short conversation with.

well, hey im just voicing what i think. dont get offended and all. really. think about it. what kind of friend are you? have u been treating your friends nice? have you been accepting them the way they are? coz you know no matter how hard you try to change a person, they will always remain as who they are unless they willingly change. so if there is anything wrong, just talk to your friend. dont let them wonder what is going on and all. innocently being framed. innocently drifting apart from you. sure there are ways to work things out. if they are your real friend, then they'll sure forgive you for what you did and never let anything happen between u n him/her/them. give them another chance. they'll change.

zoe. outie at 7:34 PM
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Saturday, March 04, 2006

finally i got my blog to work. its so frustrating that it wont work. now at last i can finally blog. sorry bloggie for not layan-ing u. lets see whats been going on with me lately.

going through difficult times now. but hoping that it will be fine. working things out.
finally i got to talk to my old friend. missed her.
the usual. going college, then home.
oh ya, and have been going to cyber alot. is twice a week alot? played cs and fear. dont know how to play dota but roughly know how to shoot and kill myself alot. hahahah..
spending nice quality time with b. i love u!
THE MOST HAPPIEST THING that happened to me! it was on friday which is yesterday. its really tiring i tell u. after college, was suppose to have tuition but it was cancelled as usual. me, b, and jin planned to give elaine a surprise coz elaine thought he was coming back at 5. we brought her to mcdonalds in main block. sat there and chat for awhile. suddenly jin came out! she was surprise alright. then went cyber with them. went home and rest for awhile. this is the fun part. i rush to elaine's place. went to the supermarket with her. we ran here and there to get the ingredients. why do we need it? we are cooking for them! hahahah..from main course to desserts. went back to her house, we started preparing everything. we rush and rush coz we thought they going to come exactly at 8. whoah i tell u its really tiring. just to prepare dinner. anyway, they came late so that gave us time to bathe before they came. when they came, they were quite surprise to see dinner on the table. they thought we were going out for dinner around elaine's place. its a success! hahaha..they like it. they love it! hahahhaa..then after dinner, went to playground and lepak-ed for awhile. spending time with each other.

well, thats about it that happened in my life. oh and before i forget, thanks to two of my friends! they thought us how to cook it! hehe..THANKS!

anyway, B, I LOVE YOU! muax! we'll get through it kay?

zoe. outie at 6:09 PM
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