Tuesday, January 24, 2006

:( :( :(

zoe. outie at 6:40 PM
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Monday, January 23, 2006
trust.

is it really that hard to trust one person? all i'm asking u is to trust me. believe what i said. i would never want to lie to u. what would i get if i lie to u? nothing. i would be lying to myself too. i just need your trust. u know how hurtful it is to know that u dont trust me. u have to keep asking where am i? why this? why that? and worst of all u have to ask her about me. do u know it really broke my heart to know that u dont trust me anymore. i didnt do anything behind your back. i wont do anything stupid thats for sure. i wont do anything that i'm not suppose to. coz i myself know that is too young to do so. and i'm not dumb okay.

i just need your trust. i want u to trust me in what i'm doing and all. like i used to say that trust is important in any kind of relationship. why cant u just trust me? i told u the truth about everything but yet u still dont trust me and get someone to spy on me? gosh. what a nice way to do so. u know sometimes i'm wondering why do i ever bother telling u when u dont even trust me. everyday i wake up hoping that u will gain abit trust towards me but no. i guess i was wrong.

its not easy going through my life knowing that my loved one do not trust me. suspecting me. i hate what we are going through now. cant we just talk through about everything? i would tell u everything. whatever u want to know. i would. sometimes i teared thinking and knowing that u dont trust me anymore. it hurts.

zoe. outie at 9:13 PM
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Sunday, January 22, 2006
just another day.

hmm...it seems like i've not been blogging lately. so what is going on in my life? well exams is still on. finishing on thurs. i cant wait for till its over. chinese new year is coming soon! yay! can get lots n lots of ang pao then can gamble alot too. weee! this is going to be great. hmm..what else? i guess some of u already read samantha's or jox's blog. yup about jox's bday. kinda lazy to blog about it. is so super long. fine fine i blog about it.

chin zhen (jox's bf) msged me online to ask if we have any plans for jox's bday. i told him that we dont have one so far. so he decided to plan it out with me. the original plan is i call jox out for lunch with us then she would tell chin zhen about it. they will argue argue argue saying that she promised him to spend it with him n all. end up she will go with her. chin zhen will bring her out, and we will be waiting for her in some restaurant. he'll bring her there and we'll surprise her by then. yup thats the plan.
so on that day, 19th january, all of us suppose to meet up at delicious at 1.20 to surprise her. i msged chin zhen to tell him to delay time coz some of us were not there yet. but who knows they came too early and luckily she saw me and jon only. so we told her that we are having lunch with the gang and jia liang n his gf too. she believed it! hahahaha..anyway, so chin zhen brought her away then we kept on waiting. chin zhen called. i told him that we change plan. yup our PLAN B. well kinda last minute plan B. hahaha..the plan now is he n jox go in first and ask for a table for two. then while they're waiting for their food, we'll walk in and surprise her. we changed the plan coz not all of us were there. we waited and waited till we finally decided to go in. we took the cake out, put the candles, and went in. while walking in we sang happy birthday song. jox teared! hahaha.. so happy to see that she is really really happy and surprise to see us there. later on sam, chi jian, vivian,, cc and jeanie came and gave her another surprise. before that i told her that they wont be coming. hehe..another surprise there. the mastermind behind this is chin zhen. well i just helped out. thats all. isnt he sweet? yea so the rest of the story u all can read it from jox's or samantha's blog.

hmm..wat else interesting in my life? well lets see. oh ya..have u ever had anyone u loved never trusted u? i mean what do u feel if u found out one of your loved one never trusted u along? i can tell u. it totally sucks. one of my loved one dont trust me anymore. she will ask something about me behind me. it totally break ur heart when u find out that she pretended to trust u in front of u but behind she ask questions. i never did anything behind her back but yet she dont trust every word i say. so whats the use if i explain to her right? is not like she will believe me. haih. i guess it takes lots of time to gain trust. i'll give her time. i wont blame her for that. all i know is that i'm hurting and she is hurting too inside. i wish that i could tell her that all her actions really hurt me alot. i just wish she could only trust me. like the way we used to trust each other last time.

other than that, i miss all of my friends!!! i want to meet up with them! i miss the good old times. where we laughed. we cried. we talked. everything! gosh. i didnt know i miss them so much.

zoe. outie at 2:28 PM
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
mr n mrs killer.

okay i just finish my econs unit 1 and 3 today. it totally sucks kay. dont ask me anything about it. all i know is that mrs killer here hates me so much till she shot me at my head. seriously. going in that room is like committing suicide. its like i'm prepare to die anytime.

i just got shot right at my heart on monday. it seems that mr killer also hates me so much. hmm..i think mr killer told mrs killer about me thats why they hate me so much. haih. nvm. mr and mrs killer i'll look for u in another 5 months time. i'll be back. to take my revenge coz revenge is sweet. hehe..

so right now, i'm really tired and exhausted. i need to reborn again and hunt u n mrs killer down! i will i tell u. i'm going to keep reborn-ing till i kill u, chop u into small tiny pieces and feed u to the dogs! hahaha..no la not until that evil. just kill u one shot can edi. i'm happy if i did. then i dont have to see u again.

so ms econs and mr account dont think u killed me once u going to kill me again. i'm not going to let that happen i tell u! u wait and see. now i have to go back to training to kill ms c3 down. hehe..my next mission!

zoe. outie at 9:45 PM

Sunday, January 15, 2006

okay. now i'm really really STRESS. firstly its because due to exams tmr. and i not yet finish my accounting. and secondly, i'm really stress about my friend. actually more to worried. i'm really worried about him till i cant concentrate on my studies.

i'm worried he will do something stupid. i'm worried that he will commit suicide over some small things which made him really depressed. he has not been eating for days. he has not been coming out from his room for days. he has not been replying ppl's msgs. he has not been picking up calls. he's been hanging up on his friends that called him through his hse phone. i'm really worried that he will do stupid things.

deryk called me today to tell me what is going on coz his mum called deryk. when i received this call it adds up more to my "fan" level. i got no idea what is going on but i have to solve it. i dont want to see my friend end up committing suicide coz his other friends does not want him. why? have u actually thought why they end up treating u this way? have u guys actually thought that all your action have consequences? all those words u said cuts right into your heart. wont u all feel guilty if something ever happen to him? dont u?

i'm really messed up now. i'm not sure if i should be angry or not. but all i know is that i'm really stress about my studies. i'm really worried about him. hey, not sure if u will read this but i hope u dont do anything stupid kay. everything can be solve. it takes time and the effort to fix it. pls pls dont do anything stupid. i'm really scared that u will. haih. what can i do now?

zoe. outie at 8:05 PM
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
statistics or accounting?

ergghh!! why things cant be easier? so hard having two subjects in a day. its so bloody stressing. i'm okay with both but i want it to be better. my okay is not as okay as some people kay. i want it to be good. but its so hard. i somehow got the feeling that i will screw up both the papers. can anyone pls help me? i really need help! should i concentrate more on statistic or accounting? which one? or should i just do them both equally then i fail both of them. haih. stressing gila.

zoe. outie at 3:32 PM
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
oh mr mr.

okay. i officially hate u now! yes u! i'm talking to u. oh why oh why. why do u have to treat me this way? i'm so nice to u. i used to love u. but now since u treated me this way i guess i have to change my feeling towards u.

haih.

nvm. no matter how bad u treat me i'm still gonna like u the way i used to. i'm not going to give up. i trust that we could work things out. isnt it mr accounts? if i still treat u nice will u be nice and help me out? i promise u that i will love u more if u help me out this time. really. i promise.

yes. i'm worried about u mr accounts. i dont want to fail u. i dont want to screw everything up. i dont want to disappoint my parents. pls dont disappoint me. i'm really stress about u. really worried about u. pls help me out abit. i know i wont give up on u.

hmm..mr accounts i heard u hate someone now. she also not going to give up on u. she is working really hard to work things out with u. so pls mr accounts its not good to hate ppl. dont hate me. dont hate her. u shall make everyone happy. make things easy for them.

*darn i feel darn paranoid talking like this. seriously accounts is killing my brain*

zoe. outie at 9:05 PM
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Monday, January 09, 2006
the emo-ness

FUCK! i cant seem to concentrate wei. tomorrow is my maths paper exams and yet i'm not studying now. its because i cant CONCENTRATE! i hate it when i'm like this. then i'll start to regret for not starting earlier. then blame myself for being so stupid. but i dont have the mood to study now!!!!!! what am i to do now?? STRESS KAO!!

i want them to stop fighting! its making both of them upset. its making me upset. cant they just sit and talk things through like a mature adult? do they know that they are putting me in a very difficult position? i love both of them equally. i cant choose if they ask me to. why cant things used to be the way it were? where all of us are happy and all. laughing to silly lame jokes. talking about our future. those times. now its like silence. i miss the good old days. can we ever turn back time to fix everything?

since i cant seem to concentrate i just felt like blogging and it still didnt really help me to feel better coz i know that no one will understand what i'm going through. this year its going to be a difficult year for me. well, 2006 BRING IT ON! give it all u have to bring me down.

GOOD LUCK! to those who are sitting for their exams! GANBATTE u all! i know i sure die but i'm trying my best for my parents and my butch. hahahhahahahhahahah.

zoe. outie at 10:18 PM
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Sunday, January 08, 2006
calendar.

i know my birthday is over. i want to thanks alot of ppl to give me a surprise like that in college. i didnt know that they will. thanks u all. samantha thanks for the flowers. is getting really beautiful now. i'll post the pics up soon. thanks cj n viv for the present too. love it. next time take off the price tag thouugh. hehehehe. thanks lc and cc for the necklace. i love it. thanks samuel for planning the last minute surprise. and thanks to everyone else for being there and singing the happy birthday song and sending those smses to wish me happy birthday. hehehe..love u guys!

anyway, as i was saying i know my birthday is over but cant i wish for something more? well i want the david beckham's 2006 calendar. but they dont sell it here! :( can anyone nice enough to get me that? *hint hint* heheheh.. but oh well its hard to get it. so its okay.

my david beckham. hahahhah.

zoe. outie at 9:47 AM
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Friday, January 06, 2006
the 2005.

its been so long i didnt blog. been lazy lately and exams are coming soon. so yea kinda stress and tired.

hmm..i guess everyone been through alot of things in 2005. the times when we first met each other. the time where we just enter into the real world. well not exactly in the real world but yea another step to there. the times where we got close. the times where we teared. the times where we laughed. the times where we go through the stressing exams. the times where we get lectured from our parents. the times where we skipped class just to hang out in somewhere. its just those kind of past we will always remember. the sad moments we go through. the break ups. the fight. well thats the past. we still have to go on. leave the past behind..well the sad moments la..and lets just see what 2006 are prepared for us. just as long as we know that our friends are always by our side we sure can get through anything. its better for us to cherish everything right now. if u have a bad year with your friends last year, now is the chance to make it up between u all. forgive each other and talk things through. its not good to see this year as bad as last year. u wouldnt want that to happen rite? we should make this year a better year for ourselves.

exams are coming soon. i think i'm going to screw up everything. i hate having this kind of feelings. stressing over something. well all of us go through the same thing. its part of life. i hate exams. oh well got to go now. need to study. ciao.

zoe. outie at 7:55 PM
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Monday, January 02, 2006
the past.

well its obviously the past. coz its last year thing. i still didnt blog about it yet. hehe..so here it is. the post that i promised. well i didnt promise but still i want to blog about it. hehe..

on the 13th of december 2005 i left to south africa with my family. went to johannesburg (not sure if the spelling is right) and cape town. went to johannesburg for the first 5 days. reached there and went to sun city and stayed there for one night. the building structure its really beautiful. the weather is hot. the scenery there is beautiful too. took alot of pics there. was pretty tired the first night. the time difference is 6 hours! how do u expect me to tahan. it was 9 at night there and its 3 in the morning. obviously i'll be sleeping edi that time. so anyway, went to the safari and everything. oooo..yea i remembered this. i played quad bike and some shooting clay thingy with real guns. we played the guns first. i tell u it hurts so much. got blueblack the next day edi on my arms. in that shooting game, there's four round. my dad played the first two rounds and i took over him for the next two. he was last at first. hehe..with my help he got third. hahahha. my sis got first. she so chun k. her aiming is darn chun. anyway, after that played quad bike. hahaha. its so funny. we wanted to race with it but they didnt allow coz we are new to it. then my dad started to go faster trying to take over my cousin n sis, then my bro saw then he tried to take over me but i didnt want to let him. i keep going crisscross so he couldnt cut me. hahaha. then the guy asked us to slow down. hahaha. next day everywhere soar. hahah. went back to johannesburg. its nice there. weather still hot. but i prefer cape town better.
cape town's weather is really windy. its darn bloody nice the scenery there. atlantic ocean and the mountains. wow. i tell u. u'll be blown away by how beautiful it looks. its really cold there though. its suppose to be summer there during that time but i guess it changes. hehe. anyway, its really beautiful there. went up to table mountain. its so freaking cold there. freezing like shit. look down at the scenery and u see the whole place. its so beautiful. its nice. especially when u see it at night. wow. seriously its really nice. in cape town, went for horse riding, ostrich farm, picking strawberries, and many more. heheh..its really fun that time. there are more to it la. just that i'm lazy to type it all down.

reached kl on christmas eve in the morning. went out shopping for awhile. hehe..then at night went to friendster cafe to celebrate christmas with samuel, steph, justin, alex, ee leen, and kent. then samuel's friends were there too. ivan, ying roe they all la. after that went hartamas to yam cha-ed. went home around 4.

on monday 26th december 2005, its viv's birthday. we delayed our xmas dinner to that day. so we celebrate it together. viv's bday and xmas dinner. everyone (me, jon, yau jun, samuel, michelle, jox, viv, lc, cc, pony, daniel, donald, samantha, ken, shae-ree and cj) were there except penny and elaine then jeanie and stephen (jeanie's bf) came later on. had dinner then we exchanged presents after that. we picked that person's name then we buy that person the gift. so that person suppose to guess who it was from. so each of us took turns to open and guess it. it was fun seeing everyone so happy. then jimmy. wow i tell u his cake is delicious wei. darn jealous. he made the cake for viv for her bday. its nice. jimmy i want to learn that too! hehe.. everyone had fun.

the rest of the week went to college to study. oh ya went out with my ex schoolmates for dinner on thursday. its so fun seeing all of them. i miss those times we had together. hehe..still had fun with them. chatting and laughing.

on new year's eve, went out with samuel and his pet sis's dinner. went eat there for awhile. then walked to a pub called wagon around 11.10. was dissappointed at first coz thought cannot watch the fireworks. but then wow i tell u its the right place. 5 mins before 12 we walked out. then boom boom boom. the fireworks is darn beautiful. wow. seriously. it is! got love shape too. its really nice. then HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! hehehe. went back and drank for awhile. i tell u long island can kill wei. before drinking that i was still sober. then drank that i was quite tipsy edi. rachel (pet sis)'s dad send us back to her hse. went to bangsar after that to yam cha. met up with my frens then samuel met up with his. my frens ciaoed then my other group of frens came. sat for awhile after that and went back home.

samuel thanks for fetching me around all those times. hehe..muax! well 2006 is here. so let us all face it together. lets just see what this year will bring for us. so far its been bad for me. well hopefully its going to be good later on. exams is coming! die die die!! aaahhhhh!!!!
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!!

zoe. outie at 5:27 PM
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